Bacon
by BOOTTOTHEHEAD
Summary: Collection of RobinxKidFlash stories. Mostly just fluff, but mentions some... stuff... sexy stuff... Doesn't go into detail, though. Sorry, you little pervs. Not smut/lemon/lime/etc. Title may be changed from "Bacon" once I come up with a better one...
1. Bacon

**Boot-to-the-head here. Here's a quick shot of Birdflash for you. ;) Just some quick, innocent fluff. (And by that I mean **_**really**_** quick.) Nothing much. Might continue with some more one-shots and make this a collection, but idk. I don't have any ideas.**

**Anyway, this idea popped in my head after I saw a post on tumblr. I don't own any puns made in this story, or the characters, but combining the two was all me. ;) Enjoy!**

**P.S. this takes place before Zatanna joined. Nothing against her, just didn't feel right having her observing the Birdflash… and yet, I'm okay with Artemis in here? I don't know how my mind works. :/**

Bacon. Bacon! BACON!

This was what went through Wally West's head as he ran into the kitchen of Mount Justice.

The team had spent the previous night watching horror movies, and no one had slept until well after three. Everyone had woken up to the smell of various breakfast food. M'gann (being M'gann) had decided to get up early to make everyone a delicious array of food including pancakes, waffles, french toast, eggs, bacon, sausage, etc. Usually, the hyper-active speedster would have been piling everything on a plate at once, but he had an idea.

"Mind saving some for the rest of us, Kid Stuff-My-Face?" Robin said, driven by hunger, as he followed his boyfriend into the kitchen, followed closely by the others.

"_That's_ a new one." Wally joked back. "You're getting more creative, Little Bird." He said before giving Robin a quick peck on the forehead.

"He has a point, Baywatch." Artemis added, stretching.

"Hey! I haven't even put anything on my plate yet!" Wally shot back, waving his clean plate in her face for emphasis. He walked over to the platter of bacon and started piling pieces on his plate.

"Wally! Save some for everyone else! We want some bacon too!" M'gann said, pulling him away from the plate by his collar.

"Okay! Jeez!" He said backing away. After that, Wally turned and headed towards the corner of the room facing away from the others. His plate was blocked from view, and he was doing something besides eating.

"Um… Aren't you supposed to eat these things?" Conner asked, holding up a strip of bacon and looking at it like it was a diseased tick.

"Yeah. Ignore him, he's just crazy." Robin said scooping some eggs onto his plate.

After they had gotten their breakfast, the team (save Wally) had gone to sit on the couches and eat their food in blissful silence. After a few minutes, Wally stood up and shot his fists into the air.

"YES! Mission accomplished!" He shouted, pleased with whatever development had happened with his bacon. The sudden outburst had caused Kaldur to almost choke on his food.

"What is so important about the bacon?" The Atlantean asked after regaining his composure. Instead of answering, Wally just turned his head to look at Robin, still hiding his plate from view.

"Hey, Rob." He asked mischievously.

"W-what?" Robin asked, now thoroughly terrified of whatever Wally had done to the bacon on his plate.

There was a long silence before Wally abruptly ran over to Robin, shoved his plate under his face and shouted words that he had obviously been dying to say all morning.

"DON'T GO _**BACON**_ MY HEART!"

The acrobat looked down at the plate below him with a look of complete disinterest on his face. The multiple strips that Wally had taken had been broken into squares and layered on each other to create a perfectly-shaped heart. Robin raised an eyebrow and looked at his boyfriend, eyes hidden by his sunglasses. He sighed.

"I couldn't if I _**fried**_." He said, smirking and plopping a forkful of eggs onto Wally's plate in the middle of the heart. He could _hear_ Artemis face-palm.

"Really? Are you two _that_ cheesy?" She asked.

"You're just jealous." Robin stuck out his tongue at her, joking. She chuckled.

"Idiots."

"So, are you gonna eat this or what?" Wally asked.


	2. Late Night Adventures

**This was gonna be a one-shot, but I got another idea and thought, hey, why not just make this a collection since they're both pretty short? I had a lot of trouble coming up with a name for this one. So... Yeah... Enjoy?**

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><p>It was currently 1:27 in Central City.<p>

1:27 am.

Dick double-checked his boyfriend's digital clock on the nightstand to make sure. Wait, he was wrong.

It was 1:28 am.

So why in _**hell**_ did the college students across the street feel it was a good idea to still be up partying? It's not even like they were really _partying,_ either. There was no music and there couldn't be more than four or five of them who just seemed to be sitting around and talking. So why was the acrobat so annoyed, you ask? Because of the giggle-snort.

The **fucking. Giggle-snort.**

…

There it was again!

The voice was too ambiguous for Dick to know whether it was a boy or a girl, but DAMN if it wasn't obnoxious. Loud music, he could handle. Yelling? Sure. Car horns? Why not? Orgasms through the wall? Go for it. (He _did_ live in Gotham City, after all.) But something about this sound, whether it be because it was the only thing between him and finally getting a good-night's-sleep, or because he just didn't want a reason to leave the comfort of Wally's arms, was driving him _**CRAZY**_!

The sound was the same every time. First the person would make three giggles, each a higher note than the other, and then they would start snorting. Same pitches, same timing, same everything. _It's like they're planning it…_ He thought. _And how the hell is Wally still asleep?_

He turned his head to look at his boyfriend. As it turned out, Wally's eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep. In fact, he seemed to be almost as annoyed with the sound as Dick was, cringing as the next one came.

"That's it. If that idiot doesn't shut up, I'm going out there to cut them. Bat-morals be damned." Dick said, voice hoarse from the… um…_noises_ Wally had caused him to make earlier that night. He's a teenager with hormones and a twice-as-hormonal boyfriend, what did you expect?

"Dick" The speedster said, snapping him out of his thoughts."Don't bother. They do this kind of thing all the time. They'll shut up eventually." He hugged the younger boy closer to him, as if adding emphasis.

"That's what I thought two fucking hours ago." He finished his sentence just in time to hear the idiots say something about waffles before the dreaded sound came again.

"Screw it. I'm going out there." Before he even knew what he was doing, Dick was out of the bed and throwing on pants. He doubted they'd take him seriously if he went out naked.

"Dick-"

"Don't try and stop me, Kid Mouth. I was trained by The Fucking Bat."

"...Just don't do anything I'd do..."

"Usually people word that sentance a little differently." Dick joked as he closed the bedroom door behind him. In a matter of seconds he was out the front door and sneaking through the bushes towards the accused.

When he got there he saw a group of five young adults, probably in their early twenties, sitting around in a circle in the driveway with an oil-lamp (the kind people use while camping) between them. His hiding spot was behind a bush right next to the garage door. He was incredibly close to them all, but they had no idea he was there.

"Dude, is anyone else craving burritos right now? Seriously, it's like my stomach's a burrito magnet and the burritos are... um... burritos." One of the taller drunken morons said. As expected, this comment was soon followed by **it**. Dick looked between the five adults to find the perpetrator.

_Bingo _He thought as he spotted them. It was a shirtless young man who was looking like he was about to pass out at any minute. He had a half-finished beer in his hand and there were a couple empty bottles at his feet. Conveniently, he was sitting right next to a metal garbage Dick spotted him he was just reaching the snort after the giggles.

"Dude, could you sound any more like a fucking drunk idiot?" The man said.

"But that's what he is." Another stated, causing laughs between the whole group, and of course the giggle-snort.

As soon as they finished, Dick grabbed a rock by his foot and threw it at the can. As expected, this caused a loud bang that caused all five to silence their laughing and the particularly annoying one to jump so far, he knocked over the lamp, making it go out.

Dick, being used to complete darkness, took this time as an advantage to take his spot directly in front of the whole group, but not before setting up a tazer in the bush. He kept the remote hidden in his hand. Hopefully, they wouldn't notice the wire leading from him to the bush.

It's pretty safe to say that they thouroughly shit themselves once the light had been turned back on.

None of them had expected to see a black-haired teen with a terrifyingly evil grimace on his face right in front of them.

None of them had expected the bush to crackle and glow as if it was lightning.

None of them had expected the teen to tell them to "Shut. Up.".

None had expected something to come flying out of nowhere and destroy their lamp, leaving them once again in complete darkness.

And NONE had expected the teen to be gone once they found a flashlight.

...

"I think we should go now."

* * *

><p>"Nice one, Babe." Wally said as Dick climbed back into his bed. He had watched the whole scene from his window.<p>

"You expected any less? And don't call me Babe." He half-heartedly mumbled the last part, in truth not caring _what_ Wally called him, as long as it wasn't insulting.

"Sure thing, _**Darling**_." He shot back, putting emphasis on the last word.

"Wally..." Dick warned. But the speedster was just getting started.

"Oh, come one _**Pumpkin**__._ Surely you can handle a few nicknames."

"_Wally..._"

"I mean, you're my _**shooting-star**_. I should be able to express my love for you in whatever words I see fit."

"...Just call me Babe." Dick gave in. He just wanted to sleep.

"Can I call you Sugar?"

"No."

"Honey-bunch?"

"NO."

"Cutie-Pie?"

"**Dammit Wally! GO TO SLEEP!**" Dick practically shouted.

"Alright fine... Jeez..."

...

"Bright Eyes- OW!"

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><p><strong>Review? :D<strong>


	3. ALL of this

**Hey guys… Sorry I, like, NEVER update… I don't really have a good reason for this… But hey! This one's pretty funny! :D I hope…**

**Anyway, I got inspired, once again, by something I saw on Tumblr… It was a gif, and I just couldn't help picturing Wally doing what the girl in the picture was doing, and then I started imagining how Dick would react to this…**

**And thus, this chapter was born…**

**Enjoy! :D**

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><p>"Oh, my aching everything!" The team heard Kid Flash complain for what must have been the hundredth time that night.<p>

They had just arrived back at Mount Justice from an especially tiring mission. A mission that just _happen_ to take place in Blüdhaven. This specific location caused for much more trouble than usual. Needless to say, it didn't end well. The teens had all exchanged numerous injuries (thankfully none that were fatal) and were extremely fatigued. Unfortunately, they still had to wait for Batman to arrive before any of them could go home.

Waiting would have been considerably easier if not for Wally's constant whining about his various injuries coupled with his pacing from impatience.

"For the last time, Kid Idiot," Artemis said (AGAIN), rubbing the bridge of her nose "Shut. The. Hell. Up."

"First," The speedster started, causing everyone to inwardly groan. He was going to ramble again. "You're not my mom. Second, I'm a speedster. It's in my nature to be incredibly, charmingly talkative in even the worst of times." He said, smirking. Wally seemed to be enjoying watching his teammates getting ready to tear out his innards. Why was anyone's guess.

"Wally if you are that sore…" Kaldur said slowly, trying to maintain his calm (Robin could swear he saw him twitching). "Then please. Sit down and stop pacing." By the end of his sentence, he was clenching his teeth.

"How can I stop moving when I'm this shaken? I was almost _killed_! If it hadn't been for Supey, I would've been turned into Swiss cheese by that thug's gun!" He responded, making large arm gestures for emphasis. Oh, yeah. He was _enjoying_ this argument.

"If only…" Robin mumbled. The rest of the team, save Kid Flash, murmured in agreement.

"Hey! That's rude." Wally responded, leaning down and holding up a finger in the Boy Wonder's face as one would when teaching a lesson to a young child.

"Your complaining is rude. Your arguing is rude. Your pacing is rude." The acrobat responded, his face inching closer to the speedster's "And you're being _annoying_." His eyes were narrowed and he gave his boyfriend a bat-glare that was twice as successful as normal due to his exhaustion and irritation.

Wally's finger curled back into his hand and he slowly straightened himself and backed away from the frightening ninja. Once he concluded he was at a safe distance, he seemed to regain his courage and proceeded to continue his talking, this time directing it specifically at the fifteen-year-old bird.

"Oh, c'mon Babe. You'd be **devastated **if I died." He stated matter-of-factly. He smirked proudly.

"Let's test that theory." Artemis popped into the conversation.

"Shut it, Arty. No one asked you." The talkative teen said, turning his head in her direction. "And stop assuming things. Just because _you_ don't have anyone who cares about you as much as Rob cares about me, doesn't mean you get to act on that jealousy." He continued, far too self-confident for his own good. "Rob would never let you lay a hand on me."

"Stop putting words in my mouth, Walls. If you continue at this rate, I'd let her do anything that would get you to be quiet." Robin interjected.

"What? No! You're bluffing. You looooove me too much." The speedster just didn't know when to stop, which was easily concluded by the way he held out the 'o' in the word 'love'.

"No, Wally. At this point, I'm really _not_ bluffing. You're pissing me off." The bird crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"But… But what about AAALLLLLL OF THIS!" On the last three words, he shot out his butt and started making a circle in the air around it with his hand.

The whole room was quiet for a few moments while Wally continued to circle his backside.

…

…

…

The next thing they knew, they were all laughing.

M'gann and Artemis were holding onto each other, trying not to fall off of the couch. Robin was holding onto his sides, and had already fallen on the floor. Kaldur was laughing significantly softer than the others, but was still laughing. Even Conner hadn't managed to hold back his chuckling.

"W- Walls- hahaha" Robin tried to say between cackles "Wh-what… The HELL… haha… was THAT."

Even Wally hadn't managed to keep a serious face and was laughing as hard as Robin was. "I… haha… I don't even KNOW! I have… hehehehaha… NO idea where that came from…"

After a while, the laughter died down, and Wally, satisfied with what he had accomplished, had stopped talking _and_ pacing. They were all content with the silence and were almost asleep by the time Batman called them back to the mission room for a review of the mission.

Afterwards, they had all agreed to stay the night in the Mountain. They were all sitting around in the living room, and falling asleep quickly…

"I'm still pretty sore, though…"

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><p><strong>I know, I know... It's short...<strong>

**Sorry if it sucks... Let it be known that I'm pretty tired right now, and that I just got this inspiration literally right before I went to bed.**

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated. If there's any really stupid mistakes in here or if anyone has any idea as to how it could be better, PLEASE SHARE. I'm completely open to ANY form of criticism! I know I'm not great at this! I NEED HELP! D:**

**Thanks for reading, you beautiful people! ;)**


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